took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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