North Korea, Best Korea!
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
