I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
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As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
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If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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