When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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