his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
