What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
