The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
