I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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