Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
