and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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