I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
