you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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