Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I had to cum in my sink.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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