we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
