Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
