no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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