yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize