When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
