What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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