then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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