I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
