Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
