Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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