I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
