I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
