Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You pole danced in your parka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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