I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize