Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
