There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
