either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
