Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
