I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
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Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
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We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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