bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
