So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
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I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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