just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
