Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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