first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
