Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
