The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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