the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
