so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
