i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
