Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
