No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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