That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
