Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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