I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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