Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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