just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
we're so committed to being not committed
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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