Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
what is it with giant penises always finding me
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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