youre lurking in front of me
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
