I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
