I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
