He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
