Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
