I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
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