i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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