Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
