I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Even my vagina gasped.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
