i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
